Do you have money talks with your partner that go around & around (and lead nowhere!)?
It is a fact that money is the main source of most couples’ fights. In fact, their core problems can start with those money conversations.
I have seen couples get bogged down in monotonous conversations around money instead of truly talking about the actual financial issues that are bothering them.
Here’s a sample of some conversations that might start on the following themes and go round and round:
“We should really move to a bigger house/better area.”
“We can’t afford that.”
Another money merry-go-round:
“I think we should invest in XYZ stock now, while it’s hot!”
“Why don’t we start an RESP for the kids instead?”
Here are 3 tips to help you to stop having conversations around money and start talking about it.
1. Stop and ask for directions. Sometimes we listen as a way of making judgments or giving out criticism. Instead, ask your partner, “Tell me why X is important to you. Help me to understand what you’re thinking.”
2. Listen slowly. Don’t jump to your usual conclusions, (as I have learned after 3 marriages!). Always be open to having your philosophies challenged. I know, it may be hard but the emotions around money will come up and overwhelm your brains – and this is one conversation where you really need both! Quite often, there’s an underlying emotional issue that’s unaddressed. Like I always say – It’s never about the money!
3. Accept the gap! The more things change – the more they stay the same… Are you going to agree 100% on everything? Not a chance. So start by offering a tradeoff: “I’m willing to try X. Could you try doing Y or Z?” Be willing to accept and really show you want your spouse’s opinion and actually value it, because after all in most case, you share the money decisions.
And lastly, please steer away from the “I win, you lose” standpoint. As the saying goes, sometimes “no” right now paves the way for a bigger “yes” down the line. Would you rather be right or happy? ;)
PS – I offer ‘Couples Money Coaching’
Are you tired of the same old fight about money? Can you imagine the different future that’s possible when you and your spouse are on the same “money” page? My program helps you have better understanding and compassion for why your partner behaves with money as they do. As you go through my 3 Step System, the process will shift the same old fights into new action and commitment.
Sessions available in-person, by phone or Skype, e-mail me for more information. firstname.lastname@example.org