Are you being an ostrich when it comes to money?
Your relationship with your money is similar to your relationship with your car. We don’t really understand what’s under the hood, we just want it to work and take us where we need to go without trouble. We know it needs gas and we have to put some care into it, but beyond that we don’t want to hassle with it. The same goes with your relationship with money.
Everyone has a relationship with money whether they know it or not. It may be conscious or unconscious, abusive or supportive, but money is a part of our lives. Every time we earn money, spend it, borrow it, save it, win it, lose it, we are relating to it and assigning meaning to it. Money affects how we live, our relationships with others, our community and our world.
What does money mean to you? If you ask different people you can get different answers such as; freedom, security, importance, accomplishment, self-esteem, adventure …etc.
This relationship is the longest relationship we will have in our lives. Even before we are born, our parents financial circumstances and attitudes lay the groundwork for our first experiences of the world, influencing what prenatal care we had, what resources we have available, our education and opportunities.
Likewise, after we die our estate – or lack of, lives on. Our kids will likely be influenced by whatever we teach them unintentionally or intentionally about money. They may pass them on to their kids. Welfare families are a great example, the education they grow up with is; don’t make too much or you will not get as much on your welfare cheque.
Now I am not saying that money is the most important thing in life. It’s important to realize that the healthier the relationship you have with money, the less likely that money will keep you away from the things that you value the most.
When you ignore it and put your head in the sand like an ostrich, you are just making it worse and building up more pressure on yourself. Doesn’t it make sense to have a healthy relationship with money as soon as possible???
Now there are times when you can have money problems such as a business that did not succeed or a medical condition, but when your money problems keep coming up over and over again, and you are getting into the same money mess once again, it grows more damaging each time it happens.
Think of other things that are repetitive such as; Do you have the same arguments over and over again with your partner? Do you sit in the same chair at the dinner table? Do you put your pants on with the right leg first? We are creatures of habit and our money patterns become so ingrained they seem unalterable that we give up and give in telling ourselves; “It must be the way for me, why fight it?” But this attitude will only lead to more unhappiness and even more self- destruction.
Now it really doesn’t matter what your situation is, I had a client who had a million dollar trust fund, but couldn’t make a decision or set goals in fear of losing the money, so in fact the inheritance was a burden to him.
Or there is my client who put money away into her retirement fund diligently, and always paid off her credit card debt each month. She really doesn’t get how others can rack up debt and live beyond their actual cash flow. That’s great but she was working in a job that she didn’t like (stayed there for the money and security) and put her dreams on the back burner because she was afraid to risk or even imagine what living her passion as a private chef would look like. She was stuck in a survival mode.
Many people I see are exactly like her, working in a job they don’t like and not believing (because they don’t know how) that there is a way out. But here’s what I will tell you about those in financial crisis, however they got there, they arrive with plenty of self-judgement, self-blame, shame and embarrassment; and this often keeps them from getting help, which in turn only makes their problem worse.
The expression that you are only as sick as your secrets, fittingly describes those in money crisis. They often feel embarrassed about their money situation and how they got there. When they become willing to come out of their isolation and secrecy, confiding in someone who can help, they begin to show signs of enormous relief.
One of my coaching clients came to me after one of my seminars and broke down in my office and told the truth to me about her financial situation and what she was hiding from her husband. It was killing her and I offered her a safe place to let it all out. Her life has changed dramatically, most of her debt is now paid off, and she has money in her savings and has a plan and goals for her future. Oh and by the way, she is 64 years old. Can you imagine living with all that guilt and shame for that long? But it is never too late and she is now working on building a career around her passion of teaching painting and living in her creative image that she craved for so many years. It’s never too late. I don’t care how old you are, and to reach out and ask for help takes guts. I tell that to my clients that come in to see me, the hardest part is to admit something is wrong and that you need help.
My goal for you is to look inside your heart and connect it to your head. Most of us live in our head and not our hearts and are always feeling like there should be more, but we don’t know how. Let me give you the how…
It’s time and you are worth it, and deserve to be happy with no stress around money. My goal is for you to say…
“Money… Yeah I do that!”